ISN'T that just great. RAF Menwith Hill, in the posh bit of the Dales at the bottom, features on an Isis hit-list. They apparently want to attack it with nuclear and/or chemical weapons because it gathers intelligence for the US military.

I tried to ring Isis for confirmation of this, but was put on hold where I had to listen to Rainy Days and Mondays by the Carpenters on repeat.

Our only hope is that any religious nutters travelling to Menwith Hill intent on murderous mayhem will first stop in Harrogate for refreshments and stumble on Bettys. Surely it's impossible to commit a heinous crime when you've just enjoyed a fat rascal and a cup of tea served in a real silver teapot.

It does make you wonder if you have made a mistake bringing children into the world when places in the Dales become a target for extremists. You already suspect it's a mistake when you've got no money, no free time and a gibbering two-year-old getting apoplectic because you wont let her poke the frogs in the pond with a stick. But the threat of a nuclear attack on your doorstep confirms your suspicions.

Fortunately, the threat of annihilation was temporarily forgotten when Paddy McGuinness turned up in Coronation Street as a camping enthusiast – but sadly didn't say Ding Dang Do – and then Kathy emerged blinking from the dark of Phil's garage in EastEnders. She wasn't happy about being locked in the garage and will no-doubt be even less pleased when she claps eyes on the state of son Ian's tummy. Is Lucy still alive and living in there?

In other news, I caught a bullhead with my bare hands at the weekend. Ideally I would have liked to have caught a crayfish but they all seem to have disappeared from the River Ure. Several people kindly got in touch to say the strange building at Ellingstring was a water pumping station and not a barn weapon. Perhaps others could now reveal where all the crayfish have gone. Have they been scared off by the anti-social behaviour?

Anyway, the bullhead caused much delight among the kids as any fish with a disproportionally large head should.