YET again I failed to reach the second round of the annual Top Pub darts contest.

I'd practised for 30 minutes before leaving the house, so was a little disappointed with my performance. I would have done more practising but the darts kept bouncing out and either narrowly missing the dog or making little gouges in the tiles on the floor.

I used to play for the team with limited success, once memorably scoring zero with three darts at the Foresters in Carlton. I was unlucky. The first dart bounced out, the second slipped out of my fingers and didn't reach the board and the third stuck into the ceiling. It is, in fairness, a very low ceiling.

Some of the traditional terms used in darts are worth noting. I can't find out why "fish and chips" – scoring 26 with a 20, five and one – is so-called, but the same score is also called "bed and breakfast" because at one point in history, bed and breakfast would cost two shillings and sixpence.

Other terms include a "whale", which is a single figure score with three darts, which the scorer draws a circle around to highlight the player's rubbishness, and my favourite, a "Robin Hood", which is when one darts sticks into the shaft or flight of another.

I once played darts professionally. I say professionally, I was working behind the bar at the time and would stop serving drinks to take my turn. That will be the last bad joke this year, I promise.

On the subject of the New Year, my resolution for 2016 is to floss – a goal that is as achievable as it is mundane.

I went to the dentist just before Christmas. He thankfully didn't sugar the pill – which would only have made matters worse – and told me straight; if I didn't floss, my teeth would become wobbly and eventually drop out. I'm now flossing. A lot.

It's just a shame you can't employ a dental coach like you can employ the services of a fitness coach. It would be a good job, calling into people's home twice a day to stand at the bathroom door offering vague words of encouragement.

"Floss more, keep flossing, great flossing, well done." That kind of thing.